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Poker quotes

Poker Quotes

There are hundreds of great poker quotes. Here are some of our favourites. If anyone knows the originator of any of the unattributed ones, please let us know. Be warned, some of the quotes contain colourful language!

Think of how stupid the average poker player is. By definition, half of them are dumber than that.
Adaptation of quote from George Carlin

You can't let it get you down when somebody knocks you out of a tournament playing a hand they shouldn't have played. Without these types of players, nobody would win any amount of money, so sometimes you just have to take your medicine.
T J Cloutier

Concentrate. Don't do anything stupid. Catch some cards.
Mrs. Cloutier as T J heads out to another tournament

I guess if there weren't luck involved, I'd win every time.
Phil Hellmuth

Welcome to kicker school, baby!

Son, when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise out of the deck and squirt water in your ear, son don't take that bet, for as sure as eggs is eggs, you'll end up with a wet ear.

The all-in play works everytime but once.

Poker is like life, most people don't learn from their mistakes, they only recognize them.
C Arel

You can shear a sheep many times, but you can skin it only once.
Amarillo Slim

Fold and live to fold again.
Stu Ungar

Sometimes doing the right thing loses you money and the wrong thing gains you money. The trick is figuring the right time to do the wrong thing and the wrong time to do the right thing.

It's hard work, gambling. Playing poker. Don't let anyone tell you different. Think about what it's like sitting at a poker table with people whose only goal is to cut your throat, take your money and leave you out the back talking to yourself about what went wrong inside. That probably sounds harsh. But that's the way it is at the poker table. If you don't believe me, then you're the lamb that's going off to the slaughter.
Stu Unger

You get your chips your way, I'll get my chips mine.
Phil Ivey (to Howard Lederer)

There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere and all that, who did not know the meaning of a flush. It is enough to make one ashamed of the species.
Mark Twain

I dont play any two suited cards. I play any two non suited cards. That way I am drawing at two different flushes.
Amarillo Slim

No river, no fish.
Amarillo Slim

Seldom do the lambs slaughter the butcher.
Amarillo Slim

The one who bets the most wins. Cards just break ties.
Sammy Farha

Just play every hand, you can't miss them all.
Sammy Farha

If you can't quit the best hand, you can't play.

Last words before he became a eunuch; 'I'd bet my bollocks on this hand.'

They called it Poker because the word 'Fuck!' was taken.

Poker is 100% skill and 50% luck.
Phil Hellmuth

My luck is so bad, if it were raining pussy I'd get hit in the head with a dick.

No Limit Hold'em. Hours of boredom followed by moments of sheer terror.
Tom McEvoy

After a particularly bad beat...
Player 1 That was a terrible call.
Player 2 It's called gambling.
Player 1 No, it's called really sucking at life, especially poker, and trying to throw your money away because your life is useless and you have been pondering suicide for the last week, but getting lucky enough to keep it.

Don't look at when a player sucks out on you with a trash hand as a loss. Think of it as an investment that will be returned with interest.

If only I'd read, 'Internet Poker For Dummies.' 'Til now, I never thought I qualified.

Two cowboys at a table... One suddenly plunges a dagger through the hand of the other player, pinning the hand to the table. Says to his wounded opponent, 'Sir, if that is not an ace of spades hidden beneath your hand, then I owe you an apology.'

You will show your poker greatness by the hands you fold, not the hands you play.
Dan Reed

Don't challenge strong players, challenge weak ones. That's what they're there for.
John Vorhaus

Never educate a stupid poker player.

I was watching some poker on television not that long ago when one of players had pocket fours and the other had a higher pocket pair. At the moment he saw he was in bad shape he said, 'May the fours be with me'.
Tom, one of our visitors

Lancey Howard: Gets down to what it's all about, doesn't it? Making the wrong move at the right time.
Cincinnati Kid: Is that what it's all about?
Lancey Howard: Like life, I guess. You're good, kid, but as long as I'm around you're second best. You might as well learn to live with it.
From the movie 'Cincinatti Kid'

I don't know who said, 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,' but I know he never played poker, or got married to a woman.
Bud Kelly




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