are hundreds of great poker quotes. Here are some
of our favourites. If anyone knows the originator
of any of the unattributed ones, please let us know.
Be warned, some of the quotes contain colourful language!
of how stupid the average poker player is. By definition,
half of them are dumber than that.
You can't let
it get you down when somebody knocks you out of a
tournament playing a hand they shouldn't have played.
Without these types of players, nobody would win any
amount of money, so sometimes you just have to take
T J Cloutier
Don't do anything stupid. Catch some cards.
Mrs. Cloutier as T J heads out to another tournament
guess if there weren't luck involved, I'd win every
Welcome to kicker school!
when a man bets you that the jack of spades will rise
out of the dwck and squirt water in your ear, son
don't take that bet, for as sure as eggs is eggs,
you'll end up with a wet ear.
The all-in play works everytime but
Poker is like life, most people don't
learn from their mistakes, they only recognize them.
You can shear a sheep many times,
but you can skin it only once.
Fold and live to fold again.
Sometimes doing the right thing loses
you money and the wrong thing gains you money. The
trick is figuring the right time to do the wrong thing
and the wrong time to do the right thing.
It's hard work, gambling. Playing
poker. Don't let anyone tell you different. Think
about what it's like sitting at a poker table with
people whose only goal is to cut your throat, take
your money and leave you out the back talking to yourself
about what went wrong inside. That probably sounds
harsh. But that's the way it is at the poker table.
If you don't believe me, then you're the lamb that's
going off to the slaughter.
You get your chips your way, I'll
get my chips mine.
Phil Ivey to Howard Lederer
There are few things that are so
unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The
upper class knows very little about it. Now and then
you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge
of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful.
Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted,
liberal, sincere and all that, who did not know the
meaning of a flush. It is enough to make one ashamed
of the species.
I dont play any two suited cards.
I play any two non suited cards. That way I am drawing
at two different flushes.
No river, no fish.
Seldom do the lambs slaughter the
The one who bets the most wins. Cards
just break ties.
Just play every hand, you can't miss
If you can't quit the best hand,
you can't play.
Famous last words before he became
a eunuch; 'I'd bet my bollocks on this hand.'
They called it Poker because the
word 'Fuck!' was taken.
Poker is 100% skill and 50% luck.
My luck is so bad, if it were raining
pussy I'd get hit in the head with a dick.
No Limit Hold'em.
Hours of boredom followed by moments of sheer terror.
After a particularly bad beat...
Player 1 That was a terrible call.
Player 2 It's called gambling.
Player 1 No, it's called really sucking at
life, especially poker, and trying to throw your money
away because your life is useless and you have been
pondering suicide for the last week, but getting lucky
enough to keep it.
Don't look at when a player sucks
out on you with a trash hand as a loss. Think of it
as an investment that will be returned with interest.
If only I'd read, 'Internet Poker
For Dummies.' 'Til now, I never thought I qualified.
Two cowboys at a table... One suddenly
plunges a dagger through the hand of the other player,
pinning the hand to the table. Says to his wounded
opponent, 'Sir, if that is not an ace of spades hidden
beneath your hand, then I owe you an apology.'
You will show your poker greatness
by the hands you fold, not the hands you play.
Don't challenge strong players, challenge
weak ones. That's what they're there for.
Never educate a stupid poker player.
One of our visitors, Tom, sent
I was watching some poker on television (it might
have been Poker After Dark), not that long ago when
one of players had pocket fours and the other had
a higher pocket pair. At the moment he saw he was
in bad shape he said, 'May the fours be with me'.
From the movie 'Cincinatti Kid'
Lancey Howard: Gets down to what it's all about, doesn't
it? Making the wrong move at the right time.
Cincinnati Kid: Is that what it's all about?
Lancey Howard: Like life, I guess. You're good, kid,
but as long as I'm around you're second best. You
might as well learn to live with it.
Poker players new to online poker
need to spend a little time with the actual software
platform itself. According to PokerRockets.com,
the poker room’s platform is the software that the
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on a free site, such as this
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There are a few things that you should
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to determine if it is good.
The layout is extremely important
and if the layout is hard to use, that is a bad sign.
The next thing is stability of the
software, as you want to be playing on a platform
that is stable and does not crash or freeze up.
Finally, you want to go ahead and
see how responsive it is, whether you get any lag
when issuing commands, placing bets, moving all in
or even folding.
For more information on poker software,
we recommend visiting VegasPokerPro.com - you can
visit their site here.
They have the latest software downloads, as well as
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